Jesus Christ on rubber crutches - who angered the wind gods?

Seriously. Forecast for Denver area, CO,
55 degrees, with winds at a steady 53 mph with gusts up to 75 mph
It’s completely ridiculous. I almost blew away walking outside with my puppy.
I feel like I’m back in Florida during a decent hurricane. And I need an umbrella so I can fly away Mary Poppins style. I’m light enough, it’ll work.
Whoever the asshole is that angered the wind gods, I will find you.